Waiting Period by Jr. Hubert Selby

Author:Jr., Hubert Selby [Jr., Hubert Selby]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Mystery, thriller, Crime, Classics, Contemporary
ISBN: 9781453297803
Amazon: 1453297804
Goodreads: 18078728
Publisher: Open Road Media
Published: 2002-01-01T08:00:00+00:00

Argh … damn sunlight. Feels like someone is pressing on my eyeballs … their thumbs. Hot. Must be late. Could never get back to sleep. Cant open my eyes. The sunlight. Why should I open my eyes? Same old shit. The window, the blinds, the curtains, the sunlight, the wall, the goddamn birds, another hopeless day oh god. Yeah, have to get up sooner or later. Piss in the bed. What the hell. Better than getting up. That starts the day. Stay in bed. No day. No nothing. Stay in bed eventually go back to sleep. Cant stay in bed. Cursed to get up. Cant piss in bed. Ah hell, maybe I will be able to go back to bed … No good. Screw a shower. Maybe it will do something. I dont know. Just the thought is so tiring … take off the pajamas, open the shower door, turn on the water, adjust the temperature … oh god, on and on and on, endless … then soap up … pick up the soap, over, your entire body, lift your goddamn legs, each and every little thing impossible, cant even think of it, do it all over then dry your whole goddamn body, oh god … cant lean against this door forever. In or out. Just stand under the water. My legs want to fold. Easy, just hold on. Water does feel good. Whats the point? Still have the whole day to get through … yeah, then another and another and another and on and on … how many days can you take like this? Why bother with this whole mess? Dont even feel like going to Barnards funeral. Not allowed to enjoy yourself. Dont let life see youre happy. Slam dunk! Whammo. This is the Pit and the Pendulum. Its wet, if nothing else. Can I dissolve? Just go down the drain with the water? How long can you just stand here? Its own lethargy. Hypnotic. Am I slowly sliding? Turn around? How? Inch my hands along the sides and hope I dont slip? Little bit at a time? Little more … more … damn, its pounding in my ear … little more … little more … ohhh, that feels good … let it pound my back … how long can I lean against the back like this? I/ll end up sliding down and whacking my head. Stupid way to die. But I would be dead! Wouldnt even know it. Just clunk my head on the wall. Maybe bleed. Could even drown. Fat chance. Be unconscious for a while, water wake me up. Head hurt. Huge lump. Sick. I fell in the shower doctor. Sure, need that kind of humiliation on top of everything. Am I sliding? Water seems to be numbing me. Guess it did feel good … for a while. Gets boring. Water logged. Knew it was stupid. Now I have to turn around again. Not all the way. Reach around and turn off the water. Yeah … that makes it easier.

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